Recently, in my Creative Nonfiction class our professor made us go to the board and write a small sentence or note of what we wanted to do before we died. Upon, writing about what we wanted to do before we died, he told us to jot down a page or two of reasons why we wanted to do these things. So many people in my class wrote things like “Getting married and having kids”, others wrote about “Traveling the world”, and so on and so forth. I’m not like many people, and I don’t try to be, so I wrote the honest truth. “Before I die I want to NOT want anything at all.”
Of course my beautifully written eleven word sentence stood out like lions roaming the streets of downtown Atlanta, but I was being honest. Immediately my professor asked the class, “Whoever wrote that they wanted to NOT want anything at all before they died should read Buddha”. I answered him back saying “I already read about Buddha(s) plus more”, but when someone says that most people automatically writes people like that off as a Buddhists or something, which I am not. But I digress.
Any who, before I die I don’t want to want anything. The ability to appreciate the world that I’m creating in the present relieves me from being anxious about yesterday’s problems and tomorrow’s unspeakables. This is a road so many people haven’t traveled upon. Living in today is what I’m doing. The idea of wanting will drive me crazy because of the addictive desires that breathe life into the ego. Why want to do something in the future, when everyday I’m able to do what I want? Everyday I do what I “want” to do, therefore I don’t want to do it. I AM doing it!
So my Before I Die is everyday because I don’t know when I will take my last breath in my physical body, and when I will take a new breath in a new world, but until then I won’t drive myself crazy wanting things. I will do what I want. I AM doing what I love to do, and that won’t stop anytime soon. Everyday is a bucket list, without the depressive agony of counting down the days until I drop dead. There’s No Before I Die, more like While I’m Living!